New Girl Spec Script Zombie
by cbstevp
Summary: Jess tries to encourage Nick to improve on his novel Z is for Zombie. Winston has a chance to possibly play pro-ball again. Cece questions her feelings about Schmidt. Takes place after events in The Two Foot Rule.


New Girl Spec Script "Zombie" takes place after events in my other script "The Two Foot Rule"

FADE IN

INT. LOFT, NICK'S ROOM – MORNING

Jess wakes up in Nick's bed, under the covers, in her pajamas. She is alone and is surprised she is alone. She hears a sound and looks over at Nick sitting at his desk working at his computer.

JESS

Hey.

NICK

Morning.

JESS

What're you doing up? It's Saturday morning.

NICK

Fixing my novel.

JESS

'Z is for Zombie'?

NICK

What other novel have I written? V is for Vampire? Actually, that's not a bad idea for a sequel.

He takes a pen and writes the title down.

NICK (CONT'D)

So, you inspired me with your pep talk last night about, you know, fixing my spelling mistakes, putting dialogue in quotation marks, you know...really taking it to the next level.

JESS

(smiling)

That's great, Nick. Let me look it over when you're done.

NICK

Well, it might be a while. It's a work in progress.

JESS

I can wait.

She lies back on the bed.

JESS (CONT'D)

Your bed is so comfortable. I don't want to leave.

NICK

I think that bed has a lot to do with my laziness.

JESS

Yes! I can see it now!

SCHMIDT (O.S.)

Nick, come on. Time to go!

He knocks once on the door and then starts to open it. Jess dives under the covers and Nick shoots for the door but he is too late as Schmidt enters the room.

NICK

Stay out, man!

SCHMIDT

What? Entertaining a lady friend?

NICK

(quiet)

Yes! She's still sleeping! Get out!

He pushes him out the door.

INT. LOFT, HALLWAY – MORNING

Schmidt looks in suspicion to Nick's door.

SCHMIDT

Who is that? I thought I saw a mess of black hair. Is it Jess?

NICK

(flustered)

What? Jess? Why would Jess be in my room? In my bed? No, she's in her room. Isn't she?

He and Schmidt look to Jess' room. The door is open, the bed empty and made, as if not slept in at all.

SCHMIDT

No Jess. Bed not even slept in.

NICK

She's a neat person, you know. Makes her bed every morning. Are we playing basketball or not?

Winston comes down the hall with basketball in hand.

WINSTON

We are definitely playing. Come on, get ready. Game time is at 11 AM.

As they talk they move to the living room.

INT. LOFT, LIVING ROOM - MORNING

NICK

Why so early?

WINSTON

It's the only time Charles is free to do this charity game. He has to go do some interviews later today on another radio show.

SCHMIDT

(scoffing)

More interviews. He just plays semi-pro ball. It's not like he's in the NBA!

WINSTON

He was a hero in high school in LA. Everyone still loves him.

NICK

He was great in college, too. You guys were pretty good in your senior year.

WINSTON

Yeah. Until we lost the final game.

FLASHBACK – INT. BASKETBALL COURT

Winston dribbles down court weaving in and out of players, the crowd going nuts.

ANNOUNCER

Winston Bishop has the ball! His team is down one point! A basket will win it! Just four second left on the clock!

Then he gets blocked by a very tall player.

Charles Robinson is Winston's teammate. He is near the basket, wide open. He is tall and black and very athletic looking.

CHARLES

(very loud)

PASS THE BALL!

OTHER PLAYERS, FANS, COACHES

(screaming)

PASS THE BALL! WINSTON! PASS THE BALL!

Winston takes the shot instead of passing. The ball is tipped by the player guarding him and ends up in Charles' hands. He goes for the shot but the buzzer sounds before he can score.

INT. LOFT, LIVING ROOM – MORNING

WINSTON

If only Charles had scored with that last shot.

SCHMIDT

(confused)

I never saw that game but Nick said you...

Nick quickly shakes his head at Schmidt.

NICK

Had a great game.

(to Winston)

So...What happened to Charles anyway? Thought he'd go pro.

WINSTON

Just didn't work out. He played ten games with the Clippers and that was all she wrote. More than I got.

SCHMIDT

Latvia...the basement level of the minor leagues of b-ball.

WINSTON

(aggressive)

Still dance circles around you!

SCHMIDT

It's on!

NICK

Hey, guys, we're on the same team. And it's for charity. Let's just have fun.

Winston gets this intense look in his eyes.

WINSTON

Fun? I'm not playing for fun Nick! I'm going to beat Charles' team! Are you with me? Are you with me?

SCHMIDT

(excited)

YEAH!

NICK

No.

ROLL CREDITS AND THEME SONG

INT. LOFT, NICK'S ROOM – MORNING

Nick enters the room, starts to pull on sneakers.

NICK

(quiet)

It's safe.

Jess sticks her head up from under the covers.

JESS

We'll have to start locking our doors.

NICK

Yeah. I gotta go do this basketball thing. You coming later?

JESS

(grinning)

Why? Want me to watch you play?

NICK

No. I'm terrible. But it's for charity. And Winston is great and so is his old teammate Charles.

JESS

Maybe I'll come. If I can get out of this bed. Sure you have to play basketball? We can hang here all day and...you know.

NICK

Sounds great but I promised Winston I'd help him out.

Jess looks disappointed for a second but then forces a smile.

JESS

Okay. You working tonight?

NICK

Saturday. Bartenders always work on Saturday. It's in the rule book.

JESS

Then maybe I'll call Cece and do something with her tonight.

NICK

Okay.

JESS

(frowning)

You don't mind?

NICK

No. I'm working. Why should I mind?

JESS

So...I can go get drunk and wild and dance naked on a bar and drag some boy toy home to my bed?

NICK

Sure. Just so you know I will kick his ass soon as I get home.

Jess laughs. Nick bends down and gives her a kiss. She tries to pull him down to the bed and he seems willing but then Winston yells.

WINSTON (O.S.)

Come on, Nick!

Nick gives her one more kiss and then he starts to head out. Jess dives under the covers once more as he leaves.

EXT. PARKING LOT, NEAR OUTDOOR BASKETBALL COURT – DAY

The guys are walking from Schmidt's car toward an outdoor basketball court. There are some stands with many people there, waiting to watch the game. There is also a big sign that says "LA ANIMAL SHELTER CHARITY SPORTS DAY".

SCHMIDT

You left a strange girl in our loft, alone? What if she's a criminal?

WINSTON

What girl?

NICK

Some girl I met at the bar last night. No big deal.

WINSTON

Really? No big deal? Does Jess know?

Nick freaks out and mouths 'shut up' to him. Winston catches on as Schmidt looks in suspicion to Nick and Nick puts on a straight face again.

SCHMIDT

Why should Jess care who you sleep with? It's not like you two are dating or anything. Is it?

WINSTON AND NICK

No. Not at all.

WINSTON

Come on. Let's get into our game mood.

(loud)

Who's going to win?

SCHMIDT

(enthusiastic)

WE'RE GOING TO WIN!

Nick sees three very tall men approaching, two black, one white. One of them is Charles Robinson.

NICK

We're not going to win.

Winston turns around, breaks into a grin, approaches Charles

WINSTON

My man, Charles!

They clasp hands.

CHARLES

Little Winston Bishop! Hey man, thanks for coming out with your...team?

He's looking at Schmidt and Nick in puzzlement.

CHARLES (CONT'D)

Who are these guys?

Schmidt takes offense.

SCHMIDT

The guys who are going to put an ass whooping on you!

CHARLES

Damn, Bishop, I told you to find two guys who can play ball. Guys who at least played ball in college.

WINSTON

They can play...some.

Charles shakes his head.

CHARLES

Maybe we should mix up the teams...to make it fair, give the fans a real show.

NICK

Sounds cool. It's for charity after all. Can I sit on the bench?

WINSTON

(intense)

Not a chance. This is my team! Let's get it on!

CHARLES

Still gotta do everything your way, huh, Bishop?

WINSTON

That's right! Get your ass on the court.

Charles shakes his head, laughing a bit.

CHARLES

Still bringing the intensity. Come on then, show us what you got. If you still got it.

WINSTON

Oh, I got it!

Charles and his two teammates head out to the court. The fans cheer wildly.

WINSTON (CONT'D)

Now listen. There is only one way we can win. This is three on three basketball so there is a lot more room out there. They may be tall but I know I'm faster than them. Just get me the ball and let me do all the scoring.

NICK

Okay.

SCHMIDT

(angry)

We'll do it your way, Ball Hog Bishop. But if Cece shows up, you better pass me the ball so I can show her my killer hoop moves!

They head out on the court.

INT. LOFT, NICK'S ROOM – DAY

Jess is sitting at Nick's desk, looking at his computer, reading his novel. She is still in pajamas and has a cup of tea in hand.

JESS

(to herself)

This story is so terrible. He should really take my class. For real this time, not as Pepperwood.

Just then she hears the front door open. She panic jumps out of the chair and runs for the door.

CECE (O.S.)

Jess!

INT. LOFT, HALLWAY – DAY

Cece and Jess meet by Nick's room doorway.

CECE

You guys have got to start locking the front door.

JESS

Yeah. I know. Burglars.

CECE

Are we going to the...game?

Cece looks at her oddly.

CECE (CONT'D)

Hanging out in Nick's room today? In your pajamas?

JESS

What? No, just...he left his novel open on his computer so I was reading it.

CECE

Schmidt told me it was terrible.

JESS

The worst. You have no idea.

She moves to the living room and Cece follows.

INT. LOFT, LIVING ROOM – DAY

They sit on the sofa as they talk.

JESS

I'm trying to help him fix it. You know, some advice from a teacher. Someone who knows grammar...and how to spell. It'd be really good if he could somehow publish it. Someday.

CECE

Why not today?

JESS

What?

CECE

Self-publish it as an e-book. It's so easy. Everyone's doing it.

JESS

You know someone who did it?

CECE

Nadia. She got one of her 'boyfriends' to write it up. Called it 'Russian Model's Adventures in LA'. Put a sexy pic on the cover and uploaded it. That thing has sold almost 500 copies in three weeks.

JESS

No way!

CECE

Yeah, but I bet it's all pervs who think it's an erotic tale.

JESS

Knowing Nadia it probably is.

CECE

True. Come on, let's do this. He'll be really surprised.

JESS

Maybe not. Nick is the kind of guy who's not really into surprises.

FLASHBACK - INT. LOFT, LIVING ROOM – NIGHT

A bunch of people are waiting by the door, including Schmidt, Cece and Winston. They wear party hats and a sign over the door that says "Happy Birthday Nick!". The door opens and Nick and Jess come in. Everyone jumps and yells. Party streamers pop.

EVERYONE

SURPRISE!

SCHMIDT

Happy birthday!

Nick's eyes go wide and he faints. Jess bends to him, distraught.

JESS

Nick! Nick! Someone call 911!

INT. LOFT, LIVING ROOM – DAY

Jess and Cece sit on the sofa.

CECE

Yeah, I forgot about that. Okay, so no surprises.

(beat)

So...why all the interest in helping Nick anyway? What happened after your date in the restaurant?

JESS

(flustered)

Nothing.

CECE

(shock)

Oh, my God! You slept with him!

JESS

No!

CECE

Come on, Jess, tell me!

Jess is very flustered now.

JESS

No! He...oh, man...he...yeah. He just kissed me and then he picked me up in his arms and carried me to my bed and I felt like a frickin' Disney princess and he was my Prince Charming.

CECE

(surprised)

Nick did this?

JESS

Yeah.

CECE

Nick Miller?

JESS

YES! Do you want me to tell you what happened or not?

CECE

Tell me it all.

JESS

You can't tell Schmidt! He still thinks nothing is going on and Nick wants to keep it that way.

CECE

No, of course not. So...how was it?

JESS

(sighs)

Amazing.

CECE

So he's really good?

JESS

Yes...I mean. Yeah. I...don't know. I mean...he's not...no, I shouldn't compare him.

CECE

To who? Sam?

JESS

I didn't say that! No...with Sam it was all...physical...and fantastic...but...with Nick...I feel more of a connection...you know what I mean?

CECE

(sighing)

God, yes. I miss that so much.

JESS

He just holds me and looks in my eyes...and I just melt.

CECE

Stop. You're killing me.

JESS

So. You and Shiv. Nothing going on below the belt yet?

CECE

(exasperated)

Of course not. We are being a proper Indian couple who don't love each other and are planning to get married and start a family. After we get married.

JESS

No love yet? Even after all that happened at the Tinfinity party?

CECE

That was sweet. But...love...oh God. Jess. I think...I...the look on Schmidt's face when Shivrang proposed. And I said yes! He looked...I never knew how much he cared for me. He talks and talks, like he always does. But that look...I knew it then. He does love me.

JESS

And I think you love Schmidt, too.

Cece looks about to protest this but then her body just sags and she closes her eyes and falls back on the sofa.

CECE

God, Jess. What am I going to do?

JESS

I don't know. I'd tell you to marry the man you love but...it's complicated.

CECE

Too complicated.

JESS

Yeah. Sometimes I wish we were fourteen again and no boys even looked at us.

CECE

Really?

JESS

No. Fourteen was hell.

(beat)

Come on. Let's go to the game.

CECE

Schmidt will be there.

JESS

You can't avoid him forever. Maybe it's time you just...confronted him. Tell him you're getting married, for real, that you are going through with it no matter what. Maybe he will be a gentleman and wish you happiness.

CECE

(surprised)

This is Schmidt we're talking about, right?

EXT. BASKETBALL COURT – DAY

The game is in progress. Nick has the ball and passes to Winston. Nick looks beat, is flagging. Schmidt runs by him.

SCHMIDT

Come on!

Nick sucks wind and moves up court. Suddenly he is wide open under the basket. He looks to Winston who still has the ball, trying to be fancy. He is guarded by Charles.

SCHMIDT (CONT'D)

Nick is open!

NICK

Pass the ball!

SCHMIDT

Pass the ball!

CHARLES

Still can't pass the ball, huh? You never were a team player, Bishop!

WINSTON

Oh yeah?

And then he passes the ball...just as Jess and Cece show up.

JESS

Hey, Nick!

Nick turns and smiles and waves to them. Meanwhile the ball is coming for him.

SCHMIDT

NICK!

WINSTON

OH DAMN!

Nick turns back and...SMACK! Ball to the face. Down he goes.

INT. EMERGENCY ROOM - DAY

Nick lies on a gurney in the hallway, his eyes black, his nose big and red, his eyes very unfocused, awake but not in the best of shape. Jess, Schmidt, Winston and Cece are at the reception desk nearby, talking to a nurse.

NURSE

Your friend is fine, the doctor looked him over. He might need an X-ray or an MRI, just as a precaution, make sure his brain is fine. He will definitely have a headache and two black eyes.

JESS

(worried)

Oh, God.

As the nurse's desk phone rings and she answers it Jess turns on Winston and smacks his arm.

JESS (CONT'D)

This is all your fault!

WINSTON

What? Me? I didn't tell him to turn. You yelled his name! It's your fault!

SCHMIDT

The one time you pass the ball all game and look what happens! Nick is a delicate flower! And you damaged him!

WINSTON

That's what comes from passing the ball! Someone gets hurt!

JESS

He never should have been there in the first place. If only he had listened to me and stayed home! We could still be...

SCHMIDT

Still what? What, Jess? You and Nick...still in bed, perhaps? That was you!

JESS

(flustered)

What? No...you...you should have stopped him! You're his best friend! You know how terrible shape he is in!

CECE

Come on, it's no one's fault, Jess. It's just one of these things that happen. He'll be all right.

They all turn to look at Nick and...he's gone.

JESS

Nick?

EXT. HOSPITAL PARKING LOT – DAY

Nick is walking all discombobulated. His left foot is dragging behind and he is stoop shouldered. He has two black eyes and a large nose and his eyes are unfocused. He looks like a...zombie!

NICK

No...MRI...no money...brain OK. Brains...brains...

A woman sees him.

WOMAN

Are you all right, sir?

NICK

BRAINS!

The woman screams and runs away.

NICK (CONT'D)

BRAINS!

And then he walks on and is soon going down the street. As he walks in his zombie like way, he screams 'BRAINS' and people run away from him.

INT. LOFT, LIVING ROOM – NIGHT

The door opens and Jess, Schmidt, Cece, and Winston come in.

JESS

Nick!

She runs to his room and then comes back. Her face is fallen.

JESS (CONT'D)

No Nick.

WINSTON

He's not answering his phone, he's not in the bar, not here, not...well...where else would he be?

JESS

(miserable)

Nowhere.

Cece gives her a hug.

CECE

We'll find him.

SCHMIDT

That's it. I am calling the police.

He takes out his cell phone, hits numbers.

SCHMIDT (CONT'D)

Yes. I want to report a missing person...Nick Miller...Caucasian, with a little bit of Native American thrown in...about 5'9"...185 pounds...

JESS

He is not 185!

SCHMIDT

Sorry...180...31...short brown hair...messy, kind of like a bird's nest. He never uses product. Brown eyes...someone once described them as poo eyes. Broken nose...actually he's had that for awhile now. Most likely two black eyes as well. He had an accident and left the hospital unsupervised...What? Are you sure? Okay, thanks.

JESS

What did they say?

SCHMIDT

He's in jail.

INT. JAIL CELL

Nick sits on a bench, still all zombie like. Other prisoners are huddled in the far corner, away from him, fear in their eyes.

NICK

(mumble)

I just...brains...you know...brains are good.

CELLMATE

(fearful)

It's all good man...brains, arms, legs...

Other prisoners freak out and tell him to shut up. One small guy gets up and yells out the bars.

SMALL CELLMATE

HEY! Get me outta here! I'll plead guilty! Just get me the hell out of here!

INT. POLICE STATION – NIGHT

The gang is next to a counter talking to a police sergeant.

SERGEANT

Nick Miller? Oh yeah, the zombie. Got his name out of him. That's it.

WINSTON

What?

JESS

Zombie?

SCHMIDT

I knew he would be mistaken for the undead one day.

CECE

Can he go free?

SERGEANT

Nope. Holding him for 24 hours for a psyche evaluation.

JESS

Why? He's not crazy! He's not a zombie!

SERGEANT

Lady, he chased an old woman in the park and kept screaming he wanted to eat her brains.

Jess smacks Winston.

JESS

This is all your fault! Do something!

WINSTON

All right!

(to sergeant)

He's not a zombie. He just got hit in the head with a basketball and he's a little mixed up right now. It's all my fault so...can't he be released to us? We'll take care of him.

SERGEANT

Are you family?

JESS

That's an interesting question. We are roommates actually, so we are kind of like his family...if you know what I mean.

SERGEANT

No, sorry, can't release him to his roommates. Family only. Or if one of you ladies was his wife or fiancée, maybe.

CECE

(points to Jess)

She's his fiancée.

JESS

What? Ah, yes..we are getting married in the spring. Big wedding...you're invited...if you let him go. Know what I mean? Open bar and all.

She winks at him.

SCHMIDT

Yes...a spring wedding. The theme is love is blossoming all over.

Sergeant eyes them all, sighs.

SERGEANT

Okay. The medic checked him out and says there is no permanent damage. But he needs to be at his court hearing next week to face the charges. Disturbing the peace. You need to pay his bail and fill out this form.

Jess starts to fill out the form. Schmidt takes out his wallet and pulls out a credit card. The sergeant shakes his head.

SERGEANT (CONT'D)

Cash only. 500 dollars total.

Schmidt rolls his eyes and starts pulling out bills as the others look wide eyed at him.

SCHMIDT

What?

WINSTON

Nothing. It's all good.

SCHMIDT

The Bank of Schmidt is always open.

Jess starts getting out money from her purse, as does Cece.

JESS

We can't let you pay it all.

SCHMIDT

No. Put away your money. You'll never let him pay you back. Not me. This time Nick is going to pay his own debts.

WINSTON

It's bail, stupid. You get most of it back when he shows up for the hearing.

SCHMIDT

Well, excuse me, Mr. Criminal. I'm not so experienced in such matters. Apparently you are.

WINSTON

Is this a black thing? Cause if it is, this home boy is going to whoop your cracker ass good!

Winston bitch slaps Schmidt and then they get into a bitch slap fight and fall to the floor. Jess looks at the Sergeant.

JESS

You can have these two as well. But keep them. For a long time. A long time.

She winks at him.

JESS (CONT'D)

Know what I mean?

INT. POLICE STATION LOBBY – NIGHT

The gang is sitting around waiting. Schmidt is sitting next to Cece.

SCHMIDT

What's taking so frickin' long?

She puts a hand on his arm.

CECE

Relax.

He looks at her hand.

SCHMIDT

The hand of a goddess. The forbidden fruit I can never have.

CECE

(sighing)

You've had it plenty of times.

SCHMIDT

Once you're married to Shev...Chevy...what's his name...

CECE

Shivrang.

SCHMIDT

Whatever...once you say those words, the Schmidt is off the table. No more will you eat at this fine buffet.

CECE

Schmidt...we need to talk. About us.

SCHMIDT

Us? What us? I gave you my heart and you and your Indian boy toy ripped it open by stealing my tender moment I was supposed to have with Nick.

CECE

Are you serious? Look...

But just then Nick is led into the lobby by an officer.

JESS

Nick! Thank God! Are you all right?

Nick is still walking funny and talks oddly.

NICK

Jess...can you see my brains?

JESS

No...no brains.

NICK

Good. Brains...no...good.

Schmidt and Winston take Nick under the arms.

WINSTON

Come on buddy. Time to go home.

NICK

(mumbling)

I love you guys. Especially you, Jess. I love you...all of you.

Jess looks shocked and so does Cece.

SCHMIDT

(to Nick)

Come on. Car is just outside.

They carry him out. Cece and Jess look at each other.

JESS

Did he just say what I think he said?

CECE

He's not himself.

JESS

Yeah...I suppose so.

She looks and sounds a little disappointed. Cece wraps her arm around Jess' shoulders.

CECE

Come on. Let's get your zombie home.

INT. LOFT, KITCHEN – MORNING

Schmidt is eating breakfast, Jess is at the stove cooking scrambled eggs.

SCHMIDT

Cooking breakfast for your boyfriend?

JESS

He's not my boyfriend and he's hurt, so yeah, I'm cooking for him.

SCHMIDT

Why the charade, Jess? Why can't you and Nick just come clean? He told you he loved you yesterday.

JESS

That...that was for all of us. And he was not himself.

SCHMIDT

Deny it all you want. What a man says when he is near death is what he means.

JESS

He wasn't near death. He was just...undead. And there's nothing to come clean about. We are still just friends.

SCHMIDT

Fine. Whatever.

Winston enters the kitchen wrapped in lots of toilet paper.

WINSTON

Don't say a word.

JESS

Toilet training not going well?

WINSTON

It's going. I mean he's going...but the paper part he didn't get at first. Now he understands...I hope. Damn zombie!

JESS

Don't call him that!

WINSTON

I can't do this anymore!

JESS

You hit him!

WINSTON

(sighs)

Yeah, I know.

There is the muffled sound of a phone ringing. Schmidt shrugs 'not me', Jess does the same and then looks to Winston.

JESS

It's coming from Winston.

Winston struggles to unwrap the toilet paper to find his phone. Jess and Schmidt help him rip away the paper. Finally he gets his phone out of his pocket.

WINSTON

Hello?...yes, this is Winston Bishop...Hi...sure...That sounds great!...Thanks...I'll be there!

He hangs up.

WINSTON

(looks up)

Thank you Lord!

SCHMIDT

Daisy back in town?

WINSTON

What? No. That was the coach for Charles' semi-pro team. He saw me play yesterday. Said I was great...seeing as I had limited help. They want to give me a try out next week!

JESS

That's great! Congrats!

(sings)

Back in the b-ball world!

SCHMIDT

(scoffing)

Limited help! You wouldn't let us help you! Just remember to pass the ball.

Winston suddenly has fear in his eyes.

WINSTON

Yeah...pass the ball.

FLASHBACK – EXT. BASKTEBALL COURT - DAY

Nick's accident from Winston's POV.

SCHMIDT

Pass the ball!

JESS

Hey Nick!

Nick's head turns just as Winston passes the ball and then he gets it in the face.

INT. LOFT, KITCHEN – DAY

WINSTON

NOOO!

Jess and Schmidt stare at him.

JESS

You Okay?

WINSTON

(cool)

Yeah. Me. Yeah. Cool as ever. I got a try out!

INT. LOFT, NICK'S ROOM – DAY

Jess sits at Nick's computer, working on his zombie story. Cece comes in and flops on Nick's bed.

CECE

Where's Nick?

JESS

Schmidt dragged him to the hospital for a check up. But he's fine.

CECE

No more zombie?

JESS

Nope. He can now feed and clean himself once more.

Cece stretches out on Nick's bed like a cat.

CECE

My God. You're right. It is comfortable. What are you doing?

JESS

Nick's had a rough time. I thought I'd do something nice for him. I'm putting his book on this website.

CECE

He hates surprises.

JESS

I don't care. Life is all just one big surprise anyway. It's time the world gets to read 'Z is for Zombie'.

CECE

Okay.

(beat)

Jess...I tried to talk to Schmidt about it and couldn't.

JESS

I know. I heard. At the police station. What are you going to do?

CECE

(sighs)

Get married to a man I don't love.

JESS

I'm sorry.

Cece sits on the corner of the bed near Jess.

CECE

Well, at least you're with a man you want.

JESS

It's so crazy. It's just...Nick? Go figure.

CECE

Still wish you were fourteen again?

JESS

No way!

They laugh a bit and Cece's face falls and she is sad but Jess doesn't see it as she is looking at the computer screen.

JESS (CONT'D)

Hmmm...should I just send it out as is or maybe, I don't know, try to fix it more.

CECE

No, don't fix it too much. He'll get mad. Just..the basics. Spelling, some grammar...you know.

JESS

Okay. Then it's ready.

CECE

You need a picture for the cover. Something...zombie like.

JESS

I know! From when I worked in the haunted house.

She runs out and comes back in a hurry with a camera in hand. She connects it to the computer and uploads a picture of her as Zombie Woody Allen.

JESS (CONT'D)

Okay...set...and...hmmm...better use Nick's e-mail address for replies from the publisher since it is his story. Wait. What's this?

Cece leans in to look.

CECE

You have to set up an account so he can get paid if anyone buys the book.

JESS

(shrugs)

Okay. But no one will buy this thing. It's awful.

INT. LOFT, LIVING ROOM – DAY

Title card – THREE DAYS LATER

Nick and Jess sit while Nick works at his computer. Nick looks much better and is no longer a zombie.

JESS

Are you sure you're all better?

NICK

Yes! You don't have to take care of me anymore.

JESS

But I want to.

NICK

I'm fine, Jess. No more zombie. In fact, I hate zombies. I'll never watch a zombie movie again or...I know...I'm going to delete 'Z is for Zombie'. I'm starting fresh.

Jess is wide-eyed in surprise as Nick looks back to his computer.

JESS

But...but...you worked so hard on it.

NICK

No, it must be done. I didn't realize how horrible the life of a zombie is. I won't exploit them anymore!

JESS

Nick...zombies aren't real.

NICK

Tell that to them!

(beat)

But first I haven't checked my e-mail in days.

Looks in surprise at the computer.

NICK (CONT'D)

What the...60 e-mails...almost all them are saying "Purchase Notification" from a website called "Pub It". What's that...a pub's website?

JESS

(excited)

No, Nick. It's a publisher of e-books. It's your book! People are buying it! When you were hurt I thought it would be a nice surprise to publish your book as an e-book.

NICK

Surprise! You know I hate surprises, Jess.

JESS

I just wanted to do something nice for you, Miller! Can't you understand how I felt when you got hurt!

His look softens.

NICK

No, tell me, how did you feel?

JESS

Terrible...scared...worried...angry...at Winston, not you...relieved when we found you...shocked when you...no...nevermind.

NICK

What? Shocked when I what?

JESS

Nevermind!

Schmidt and Winston come in the front door, both in sweats and Winston has a basketball. They look like they were just playing.

NICK

Hey, guys. What did I do to shock Jess when I was a zombie?

WINSTON

Tried to eat her brains? I don't know.

SCHMIDT

I know. You told us you loved us all, especially Jess. You actually said "I love you." It was clear you meant it for Jess.

Jess is embarrassed and angry.

JESS

SCHMIDT!

NICK

I said that?

JESS

You don't remember?

NICK

No.

Jess is angry and just gets up and storms to her room.

WINSTON

Schmidt! Why do you always have to open your big mouth?

SCHMIDT

It's a test! To see if there is something going on between them. Now if Nick follows her, I'll know there is.

Nick has started to stand up but sits down quickly.

NICK

No, nothing going on...nothing.

Schmidt is eyeballing him

SCHMIDT

Come on Nick. I know you want to run after her. Tell her how you feel. Come on...you can't stand it...you have to go to her...

NICK

DAMN IT!

He gets up and runs to Jess' room.

SCHMIDT

I knew it! Damn. Loft dynamic is ruined again!

WINSTON

Great. You're a genius. You finally figured out Jess and Nick have feelings for each other. Congratulations.

He claps sarcastically with the basketball under his arm.

SCHMIDT

You know what we have to do now? We have to stop them again.

Winston brandishes the basketball.

WINSTON

How would you like to become a zombie? I've got the power!

INT. LOFT, JESS' ROOM – DAY

Nick comes in. Jess is lying on her bed, face in her pillow.

NICK

(soft)

Jess?

JESS

(muffled)

Go away!

NICK

No.

He sits on her bed.

NICK (CONT'D)

I'm sorry I said that.

She turns over and glares at him.

JESS

(angry)

Why, Miller? Because you didn't mean it?

NICK

No, because I didn't want to say it like that...when I was a zombie, when I couldn't remember it. I wanted it to be special, a thing we could both remember as...you know...a time...when something nice, something great happened between us.

JESS

(misty eyed)

You mean you meant it? That you wanted to say it?

NICK

Yes.

JESS

Then say it.

NICK

Now?

JESS

Yes. Say it Nick. Tell me how you really feel about me.

NICK

Jess...you make me smile in the morning, you make me happy all day, you make me better when I am a zombie...

Jess laughs.

NICK (CONT'D)

...you make me want to be a better man. How could I not feel this way for you? I love you.

She lets out a little cry and leaps at him. They kiss and hug and Jess holds him tight and whispers in his ear.

JESS

(whisper)

I love you, too.

WINSTON (O.S.)

Yeah!

He's in the doorway and he's crying. Schmidt is standing beside him, misty-eyed.

WINSTON (CONT'D)

That was so damn beautiful.

SCHMIDT

(sniffing)

It was...no, sorry. I can't.

He tears up and leaves.

WINSTON

He'll be all right.

Winston leaves as well.

NICK

So much for privacy.

JESS

I don't care. Come here my zombie.

INT. LOFT, LIVING ROOM – NIGHT

The gang is all sitting on the sofa and staring at several different laptop computer screens.

JESS

Listen to this review. "Z is for Zombie - So bad it's good."

NICK

Here's another one. "The worst novel - ever. I laughed, I cried, I was zombified!" Zombified! I love it!

WINSTON

"Z is for Zombie is the new cult e-book. A must buy." Who are these people buying it?

SCHMIDT

Suckers, that's who. Here's a good one. "Nick Miller is the worst writer in the world...so why is everyone buying his book? Because they can't stop laughing at it." That was from Time Magazine. Unbelievable.

CECE

Speaking of unbelievable, look at the sales!

NICK

Now the money is rolling in!

Schmidt holds out his hand

SCHMIDT

You owe me...big time.

WINSTON

I think I'm owed some cash as well. All the times I covered for you here and there over the years.

NICK

What? Are you guys kidding me? After all the things I've done for you and the loft. All the times I repaired the plumbing. Yeah...I think plumbers get what, fifty bucks an hour?

SCHMIDT

Then just let me hire a real plumber so we can fix it all properly!

Nick stands up and Schmidt does too.

NICK

Are you saying my plumbing skills suck?

SCHMIDT

I've been saying that for years!

Nick bitch slaps him, Schmidt returns it and then they fall to the floor. Jess looks at Cece and they both roll their eyes.

CECE

What happened to us? Why are we here?

JESS

We're not fourteen anymore.

INT. BASKETBALL COURT

Winston is on the court with Charles and a bunch of other players, taking turns shooting hoops. Nearby are several men in track suits, the coaches.

COACH

Okay, guys. Warm up is over. Let's play!

They form two teams and the ball is tipped off by Charles and another player. It lands in Winston's hands and he dribbles up court, but is hemmed in by two players.

CHARLES

Pass the ball!

ANOTHER PLAYER

Pass the ball!

Winston freezes. His eyes go wide.

FLASHBACK - NICK'S ACCIDENT

SCHMIDT

Pass the ball!

Nick gets the ball in the face, in slo-mo. He falls. Then Nick gets up and he is a zombie! He starts to come after Winston.

NICK

BRAINS! I want to eat your brains!

INT. BASKETBALL COURT

Winston loses it.

WINSTON

(yells)

Get away from me all you zombies!

He drops the ball and screams like a little girl and runs from the court with everyone staring at him in disbelief.

INT. LOFT, LIVING ROOM - DAY

Schmidt and Jess sit on the sofa looking at the TV, Jess with tea cup in hand. She keeps glancing over at Schmidt, as if she wants to say something to him.

JESS

So...me and Nick. Something, huh?

SCHMIDT

You know, I'm happy for you guys. Truly. At least someone is happy around here.

JESS

You have to let her go.

SCHMIDT

I can't. Could you if the same thing happened to you and Nick?

JESS

No.

SCHMIDT

That's what love means. But know this Jessica Day. If you ever break his fragile heart, you'll have me to answer to!

JESS

Got it. No heart breaking.

She looks at the TV.

JESS

Oh! He's on! Turn it up!

INT. TV STUDIO

A local LA TV station. Nick is dressed casual as usual, being interviewed by a woman host.

INTERVIEWER

Karen Murphy here in our LA studios with Nick Miller, author of the runaway success e-book "Z is for Zombie". Nick, tell us what inspired you to write "Z is for Zombie".

NICK

It just came to me, Karen. I don't know how. It was just there.

INTERVIEWER

Some reviewers are calling it a bad version of "Twilight", and that you ripped off the whole plot.

NICK

(mad)

It's not the same thing, Karen! That was vampires. This is zombies. Read the title, Karen!

INTERVIEWER

Okay. I guess you have a point. So...can you tell us about your arrest just before the book was published?

NICK

(calm)

Well, Karen, for a brief time I was actually a zombie myself.

INTERVIEWER

What?

INT. LOFT, LIVING ROOM – DAY

Jess and Schmidt are still watching the program on TV.

JESS

(worried)

Oh, no. He's lost it.

SCHMIDT

No, this is great! It's great publicity! Nick the zombie!

Winston has entered the house and has heard this last part.

WINSTON

NO MORE ZOMBIES!

He screams and runs to his room.

SCHMIDT

He blew the try out.

JESS

Ya think?

ROLL END CREDITS

INT. LOFT, NICK'S ROOM - NIGHT

Nick is in his room, sitting at the computer. He's looking at words on the screen, thinking and staring. Jess comes up behind him, wearing her pajamas.

JESS

How's it going?

NICK

(frustrated)

I got nothing. Pepperwood is trapped in the warehouse. I think he's going to die!

JESS

Jessica Knight should save him. To prove her love for him.

NICK

(excited)

Yeah...and then they'll have sex!

Jess gives him a sexy look. She lies on the bed.

JESS

(sexy voice)

Time to do research, Detective Pepperwood. Your secretary is waiting.

Nick is writing.

NICK

Just a minute...

From off screen Jess' clothes starting coming at him, first her pajama bottom, then her top, it landing on his head.

He pulls it off, turns, looks, does a double take, closes the computer.

NICK

Yeah, I'm done.

He starts taking off his clothes, then jumps on the bed.

FADE OUT


End file.
